Just when you thought that spending $160,000 in hard-earned, after-tax dollars for a daughter's college education was enough, along comes this phone call. . .
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Veggie: Mom!
Me: Yes?
Veggie: I just had graduation practice and then I checked my mailbox. . .
Me: I haven't sent you a single care package in your four years of college. Did you think I'd start now???
Veggie: No! But there was a note in there saying that my diploma was being held until I paid a few things. . . you know. . . these were things that would normally be on the next tuition bill. . . the bursar's bill I think they called it. . . yeah. . . the bursar's bill . . .but now. . . since you don't have to pay tuition anymore. . . like we. . . like. . . have to pay them now or else I can't graduate on Sunday. . . you know . . . it's for things like visits to the health center. . . and a few little parking fines. . . and things like that. . . they would normally be rolled up in tuition bills. . . but now they're on their own . . .
Me: Parking fines? Why do you have parking fines????
Veggie: Mom! Did you forget I have arthritis? I can't like. . . park far away from things!!!!
Me: Okay! What's the number? Just tell me.
Veggie: Well, I was thinking. . . if I return that first dress that Ponzi bought to wear to Prom. . . you know. . . the one she never wore and went out and bought a second one. . .and I shoved it in my bag the weekend I was home. . . well, if there was like a Bloomingdales around here. . .well, then I could return it. . . it still has the tags on it. . . and that would cover like $250 of it. . . you know. . . I don't really need to wear that awesome dress to the senior dance. . .
Me: Keep the dress, Veggie. It looked great on Ponzi, and I'm sure it will look equally awesome on you. . . just tell me what the number is.
Veggie: The number???
Me: The amount. . . just tell me how much the parking fines are and I'll pay them.
Veggie: But they said it has to be in cash or certified check. . .
Me: The number. . .
Veggie: $290.
Me: GULP!!!! So if I transfer $300 to your account, and you get the cash from the machine, will that cover it?
Veggie: Well. . . actually. . . I owe Suzie $45 for the electric bill and Tammy another $45 for the cable bill. . . and . . . well. . . it is Senior Week and all . . .
Me: Okay! I am going to transfer $500 into that account, but that's it! This is officially the last transfer I will ever make into your account!!! From this day forward, you are a college graduate and you are on your own! Is that perfectly. . . unadulterated. . . not-a-doubt-about-it clear???? Perfectly????
Veggie: I hope so. . . .
