A Beirdimpfe's Bavarian Birthday Apology to her Bopperl

There's a certain daughter of mine who's celebrating a birthday this weekend.  I dare say she's probably in Munich right now under some Oktoberfest tent with a mug of beer in her hand singing the Ein Prosit song. . .

And because - ever since my last correspondence on this blog regarding the financing of her country-hopping-beer-loving birthday jaunt - we haven't quite been on skyping terms, the time has come to me to say "I'm sorry".   So, in honor of her birthday, I have composed the following letter of apology with the help of the official Bavarian Oktoberfest dictionary. . .

 ~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Kerndlabosti (Vegetarian),

Happy Birthday to my dandschig (pretty) and gaudinockerIn (luxuriantly breasts) daughter who will turn 22 on Sunntag (Sunday)!

I hope you are having a grisinagott (good day) and that you are experiencing mordsmassl (enormous luck) on the anniversary of the day you arrived in this world arshlings (backwards: more specific "in your behinds direction.")

Since our relationship has been a wee-bit uncomfortable as of late, I have decided to practice the fine art of oabischwoam (to solve a fight through drinking, a much better alternative than letting the fist do the talking, at the Oktoberfest as well as elsewhere) and apologize to you.


Please excuse me for being a gschead (mannerless, tactless) and zwieda (bad tempered, ill-humoured) oide Schäsn (patronising term for an old woman. Also used for cars.) In fact, I wouldn't blame you for telling me to zupf de (back off, get lost ) forever.


But my little Bopperl (nickname for someone dear or special) you must remember that  I suffer from extreme drahwuam (giddiness, occurs after constant spinning) which often leads to duachanand (chaos, confusion) and therefore cannot be trusted to say or do the right things.


And so I'm sorry that we argued about diridari (money: should be brought in sufficient sums to the Oktoberfest.)  It was utter schmarrn (absurdity, nonsense) and I will do it nimma (no more.)

I hope you are having a great feiadog (holiday) there in Munich and that you're not fetznrausch (totally drunk) or even ogschdocha (slightly tipsy.)  I also hope you are staying away from every fackl (a young pig, often used to describe an indecent behaving person) who I'm sure are hovering around you in great abundance, along with their schoaB (methane-containing, foul-smelling puff, often caused by digestion procedures) which I assume are hovering in abundance as well.

Please make sure you are minding your manners and avoiding all forms of fuaßln (above the table people hook fingers, but when people secretly have toe-to-toe contact under the table, it usually gets more interesting.) Remember that it is also important to only accept busserl (term for a swift kiss, often on other parts of the face or body than the mouth.  More intensive kiss mutations, as the French kiss, are not included in this term) from the gentlemen around you. And please . . . do make sure you use the proper facilities to bieseln (term for "to take a leak"; unfortunately too many want to save a couple of cents and use the option "wild bieseln") or you might just find yourself eikastln (put in prison, arrest) for being a flidscherl (tart, floozy.)


But enough of my damisch (patronising term for stupid, dumb, crasy) froaseln (nonsense drivel . . . )

I'm sorry that I criticized you for being the very life-loving-free-spirited individual who I taught you to be. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me and do not continue to be a bebawurscht (offended person) so that our relationship can return to the happy and loving mother/daughter relationship it once was.
 

Affectionately signed,

 (notorious beer drinker, "tavern potato")

And as further proof of my repentance, dear Veggie, I want to you know that I am now truly suffering from drahwuam (dizziness) after having spent a good twenty minutes watching youtube videos of the Ein Prosit song - all of which seemed to be filmed by fetznrausch (totally drunk) photographers and none of which were worth using on this post. . .

Why is sarcasm the lowest form of wit?

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit since its aim is to belittle or hurt someone,

and to laugh at their expense;

we associate the word "cutting" with it.

On the other hand, true wit associates with the word "levity",

and boosts everyone's spirits, being aimed at an action, a happening or an attitude.

Mary Purnell

It has finally happened.

I have offended someone.

As you know, this blog is an attempt to view my life with my teenage daughters through humor -and yes, I very often poke fun at my own family; knowing I am treading a very thin line between humor and sarcasm in order to do it.

But my sarcasm should never involve my daughters' friends.

I apologize to my daughter, her friend, and her family.

I'm sorry that - in my attempt to get a laugh - I exaggerated the truth behind a story, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

A word of rebuttal from the eco-conscious daughter

For all of you who may not know...

I am the favorite child, daughter number one, or as my Daddy calls me, his number one.

Now, I admit, I have become relatively "eco-conscious" in my old age. Even though I am wise BEYOND my years, I still lack (what some people may call) common sense.

So, yes, it was pretty silly of me to complain and beg to drive to this rally....and I may not always think things through... but that is no crime.

And I do NOT drive to the mall that often. I am pretty much broke and most importantly: I have never been found guilty of stealing my mother's identity to go bathing suit shopping at Ralph Lauren.

Putting all that aside, I really do my best when it comes to making sacrifices in order to better our environment and I truly appreciate my mother's efforts to do so as well.

She may not ever admit to this, but she does take my advice!

Early this year when I said that I was becoming a vegetarian, my mother did not initially understand. However, after living with me again over the summer for only three months, what did she find herself saying?

"I'm vegetarian too Kaitlyn! Meat is just grossing me out!"

Even though hours earlier she ate "pork roll"-probably one of the grossest of all meats- and the next day she ate a hot dog....I still applaud her efforts.

If you ask me the "green" products smell GREAT, and I would rather use recycled materials than new ones any day. We all should take one for the team! Don't you agree?

And Ps: I was thinking about that pesticide "bomb" we use to get rid of those "cloppers" .....do we know what exactly it is made of? We should look into something that is less ecologically destructive. You don't mind some extra guests in our home...Do you?

Retraction - although I did get the "x" right

In the spirit of professional journalism, I need to print a quick retraction.

If you chance to read the comment on my last post (four and twenty vegans) you'll see that Daughter Number One has set me straight.

It's Jimi Hendrix, not Jimmy Hendrix.

This Foxy Lady is not up-to-date on her 60's! I must be stuck in a Purple Haze!